A Crack in the Facade Description:

“A Crack in the Facade” is a self-portrait that explores the duality that is present in everyone’s personality and life.  In particular, I explored the two different versions of myself that exist within the same person:  The happy, content, and confident me that I often project to others and then the sad, depressed, and unguarded version of myself that only appears behind closed doors.

I chose to arrange the two versions of myself almost like a reflection but they resemble more of a double-sided coin.  The top portrait floats on the surface and is suitable for viewing because I am put together and happy.  Even the orange strips of fabric rise effortlessly from my dress, representing a lightness in spirit and energy.

The bottom portrait is the part of me that lies just beneath the happy facade:  I can get weighed down easily from my anxiety or pulled into a tidal wave of emotion from unresolved childhood grief and my inability to balance all the roles I play.  I painted cracks on my skin because when I am weighted down by these emotions, it feels as if I am going to crack wide open.  Because I work so hard to keep these feelings at bay, instead of allowing them to be released through the cracks, they crash onto the shores deep inside me and seep into my core.  I mixed acrylic pouring liquid with my paint and poured it off the bottom of my canvas to symbolize these emotions that coat my insides. 

To illustrate that I am not solely one version of myself or the other, I connected my cascading hair from the bottom portrait to the orange fabric on the top portrait.  I also united the frothy wave from the bottom to the water ripples that hug my happier self above.  This also illustrates that each self cannot exist without the other.  Without moments of despair and sadness, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the moments of joy and gratitude that I have in my life.  While the darker emotions sometimes threaten to pull me under, I always manage to keep my head above water and sometimes even remain buoyant, even if it’s just for a little while.