Ruminating Thoughts Description:

This mixed media painting explores how ruminating thoughts manifest themselves in the brain as a result of anxiety.  

Because I have generalized anxiety disorder, I used this piece as a form of self-therapy to illustrate how debilitating and exhausting it is to live with a constant cycle of ruminating thoughts.  

I was inspired by steampunk, an art, fashion and cultural movement inspired by the industrial revolution.  This is where the idea to add actual static and moving gears to my self-portrait originated.  There is a switch on the bottom right of the door that when turned on, will move the gears inside my head to simulate what it feels like to have constant thoughts cycling through my mind.  

I was also inspired by Art Nouveau, an ornamental style of art that is characterized by organic lines, nature elements, and flowing curves.  I incorporated a swirling reddish-orange organic shape coming out of my head to reflect the busyness of my thoughts and emotions.  The static gears that appear scattered in and around this shape represent all the different thoughts that enter my head at once when I am feeling overwhelmed and in an anxious state.

The reddish-orange organic shape leads the eye to the three hands that are pulling at me with a black net.  These hands belong to my three sons.  While it is easy for me to become consumed by even just one repetitive thought, my sons are my saving grace as they force me to stay in the present, even when it feels impossible to do so.  They don’t hesitate to break through the glass window and rescue me from my own self with their fishing net, whether I want them to or not.

I used a door as my canvas because I wanted to challenge myself to use an unusual surface that had an interesting texture.  The wood also helped simulate the idea that I am leaning against an actual wall.  The two different surface levels on the door also create emphasis and help frame me as the focal point of the artwork.

I painted the turbulent waves in reds, oranges, and pinks to balance the reddish-orange anxiety emanating from my head and to contrast the teal patina I simulated on the door’s surface.  I painted starfish hugging my exposed skin and added actual dried starfish in the netting to give the piece extra texture.  The starfish also represent all the demands in my life that are challenging to balance and give their due attention:  career, motherhood, marriage, family, friends, and self-care just to name a few.

So if you ever wondered what it is like to live with anxiety and ruminating thoughts, turn the switch on below the artwork, and you will see how noisy and overwhelming these thoughts can be.